Attn All Married Men

Attention All Married Men:
Are you having problems in your marriage?

Does your wife seem to vanish at the most inconvenient of times? Like

you need a beer? Or when you're looking for a clean pair of socks? Or
something to eat? Or when your mother-in-law drops in for a visit?

When you're needing some "extra attention" at night, does your wife turn
into thin air right before your eyes?

Do you suspect that your wife is evil incarnate MORE than once a month?

Is she becoming really, really, REALLY obsessed with having control of the
television remote?

Does she use thirty lines of iambic pentameter to tell you to take out the
garbage?

Most importantly, did you purchase your wife's wedding band at a
Middle-Earth pawnsho

If you answered yes to the questions above, then chances are your wife's
wedding band is The One Ruling Ring. We know you were just trying to save

buck, but instead you've wreaked imminent death and destruction upon all
good things in Middle-Earth.

Nice job, squeaky pants.

What are YOU going to do about it?

No need to worry! Here at "Eru Travel & Designs Inc.", we have the

solution for you!

Call our toll free number right now, and we'll offer you an all-inclusive
paid trip to Mordor - ABSOLUTELY FREE!

Yes, you heard correctly, we are offering a luxury vacation across Middle
Earth for absolutely no cost whatsoever to our customers.

It's ABSOLUTELY FREE!

Your journey will begin at the Old Forest Lounge, where you'll be treated

the famous tunes of lounge singers Tom Bombadil and Goldberry. You and

spouse will enjoy a live performance of classic hits such as "Hey Baby,

ve Entered the Borders of My Heart" and "I Went to Bed with a Barrow-Wight
and Woke Up with a Barrow-Wong" and "You Put the Zing back in my Ring a

Dillo!"

Your next stop will be a night's stay at The Prancing Pony. You'll want

go where people go, and the faces are all the same. You'll want to go

everybody knows your name - da da dee daht dahm.

Then you'll be whisked away to the luxurious Rivendell Hotel and Spa where
you'll be pampered till your heart's content. You'll be directly under

care of Glorfindel, Noldorin elf and Director of Guest Relations. Sure he
may request you call him Arwen while he's donning his high heels and fish
net stockings, but he gives a massage that is both sensuous and
non-threatening.

From there you'll journey to the exquisite Mines of Moria - where every

is a reason to celebrate. You won't believe what a great time you'll have
with those swinging Orcs! They party like no other mutated species I

You're sure to have a blast playing such games as "Orc Twister" and "Spin
the Dead Dwarf". And no Orc party would be complete without a round of

the Wings on the Balrog"!

From there you and your spouse will be hitting all the Middle Earth hot
spots. You'll be sure to find yourself bumping elbows with the Lady of

Wood and doing brunch with the dignitaries of Minis Tirith. And if you're
lucky, you may even enjoy a stay at Cirith Ungol - Middle Earth's last
remaining Nude Resort.

And as if that isn't enough, at the end of your wonderful journey, you'll
get to cast your loving spouse into the fiery Cracks of Doom! After all,

'll be a cold day in the Hall of Mandos before she lets you pry The One

off her finger and somehow we don't think you'll mind TOO much!

There's no time to delay! Act now! As we speak there are Nine Black

on their way to YOUR house! When they find you, they'll not only take The
One Ring, but they'll also steal The One Sony Flatscreen TV with Dolby
Surround Sound, The One DVD Player, and The One Aiwa Stereo System. As if
plundering your evil belongings isn't enough, they'll also displace your
soul with The Black Breath. And believe me - that is NOT a good thing.
There's nothing worse than a Nazgul with poor dental hygiene!

So Call Our Toll Free Number Now! The first twenty callers will receive a
free copy of the hilarious and wildly entertaining "Celeborn's Funniest

Videos"!

1-800-IDIGERU

Shipping, Handling, and Healing Journey to the West are not included in

offer.


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"Sometimes, it's the things you don't see that have the biggest

Advertisement for Enron found on the back of Houston Astros 2001 Media

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