You Might Be ...
Anal-Retentive if..
You collect the little postcards in magazine issues for recycling.
Every e-mail reply that you send has been through a grammar checker... And
you correct the original message.
You're on a "calorie-counting" diet and you count the calories in the hot
sauce on your "Big Beef Burrito Supreme"
A Bad Customer if...
You can't read the signs or coupons correctly, insisting you're right and
all the employees are wrong
While standing in front of the huge of tvs, you ask a salesman, "Is this all
the tvs you have?"
You ask for a discount at a restaurant because your kids didn't like their
food after they showed their dislike by throwing up.
You chew out the manager of the local McDonald's for not cleaning up the
place, while meanwhile, your kids proceed to launch ketchup packets at each
other.
You pay anything / everything in small change (especially pennies)
A Caffeine Addict if...
It's 6:09 AM and you're on your 2nd 20oz. Cup of coffee.
You have to drink some form of caffeinated beverage just to sleep.
You'd rather be beaten over the head with a sledgehammer than give up that
first cup of coffee in the morning.
You've given up sex, TV, or all forms of meat for Lent before, but can't
make it 40 days without caffeine.
You've given up sex, TV, and all forms of meat for Lent before, but STILL
can't make it 40 days without caffeine.
You could live in a desert like a hermit, eating bugs for food, as long as
you had enough coffee beans with you.
You suck on a used coffee filter whenever the can runs out of coffee.
Computer Illiterate if...
You own a Macintosh.
You think the computer from which a virus came actually created the virus
(it's all a conspiracy).
You think modem usage will show up on your phone bill.
You think the "escape" key will beam you out of the building in case of
fire.
You don't know where the "anykey" is.
You try to use the microphone on your PC to tell Windows 95 what to do.
You try to use the microphone on your PC to tell DOS what to do.
You've used the CD-ROM tray as a cup holder.
You think Dilbert creates artificially high standards for managers.
You think laser printers receive print commands by laser beam.
You've ever tried to play a CD-ROM in a stereo.
You've ever tried to talk to a modem on the other end of the line.
You went shopping for Microsoft Bob for Dummies...
You think Microsoft Windows is a rip-off, because it never does what you
want it to.
Someone gives you a 5-1/4" Floppy and you fold it to fit in your 3-1/2"
Drive and wonder why the drive doesn't work. You immediately move to Mexico
or Canada because you got an "Illegal Operation" error on your computer
screen.
A Computer Geek If...
You can program in more languages than you can speak.
You refer to your computer as a friend.
You can talk to your computer without being sarcastic or raising your voice.
You talk to your computer the way most people talk to their significant
other
You use old CD-ROMs as coasters... And you've collected a matching set for
every room in your house.
With the exception of the blood-sucking part, you have the same basic
characteristics as a vampire.
A Dog Lover If...
Your dog eats cat poo, but you still let her kiss you.
Under qualified for a fast-food Job if...
You can't figure out that a Bacon Whopper with Cheese has bacon, hamburger
and cheese
Someone with a bill of $3.01 hands you a $5 bill and a penny, and you give
them back a dollar bill and a bunch of change
No matter what a customer orders, you ask, "Do you want fries with
that?"...especially if you work at a pizza place.
Your body has more grease than the fryer does
You spend more time scratching covered body parts than the food you're
preparing
You can't count to twenty with your shoes off.
A Net Newbie if...
You regularly report things you find on USENET to your ISP.
You still believe in the modem tax. And you think you saw it on your last
phone bill.
You think "Jessica Mydek" is really the name of a little girl dying of
cancer, and you fill compelled to forward the e-mail about her condition to
the entire company, all of your friends, and their family pets.
A *Virus Warning* that you once read now makes you panic whenever you get a
message saying: Returned Mail: Host Unknown
Every time you've posted a message to a newsgroup, you've been flamed by at
least ten people.
You've been flamed several times, but you still don't know the meaning of
the term.
You post messages saying "UNSUBSCRIBE" to the mailing list that you've
subscribed to.. Spelt "UNSUBIBE," "UNSUBSCIBE," etc. .and other newbies
follow your example. And you shut down the entire list because of the junk
traffic.
You think spam is a type of lunch meat.
You can't tell the difference between a web URL and an e-mail address
Your message submission from a submit form says: "Enter your submission
here."
You think flaming someone involves a lighter and an aerosol can.
You think that using your browser to go on IRC rocks.
You are actually surprised that there are XXX sites on the Internet.
A Total Loser if...
You spend your day surfing the web looking for people to flame.
Your best comeback line contains almost all four letter words, including the
always intelligent "your" instead of "you're".
You actually think it's funny to wipe with a hamburger bun before putting it
on the double cheeseburger at work.
You somehow think that driving a piece of crap and wearing $300 outfits is
the same as driving a nice car and wearing normal clothes.
You've spent three times as much money altering your car and adding stereo
equipment as the car was ever worth.
You've never had more than a buzz from drinking, but whenever you go to a
party with alcohol, you go back to high school the next day and brag about
how drunk that one wine cooler made you.
Your best insult includes the word "gay".
You actually leave an e-mail address when submitting harassing comments...
(For Hotmail addresses: abuse@ )
Out of personal conviction, you flame anyone who regularly uses words longer
than one syllable.
You actually take any of these lists seriously, and get personally offended.
Your car bounces so high that when you try to stop, you end up on the trunk
of the car in front of you.
You pretend to talk on a cellular phone that doesn't even work.
You refer to your computer as a friend.
Chris Lyth (Clyth@)
When I heard that trees grow a new 'ring' for each year they live, I
thought, we humans are kind of like that: we grow a new layer of skin
each year, and after many years we are thick and unwieldy from all
our skin layers.
Anal-Retentive if..
You collect the little postcards in magazine issues for recycling.
Every e-mail reply that you send has been through a grammar checker... And
you correct the original message.
You're on a "calorie-counting" diet and you count the calories in the hot
sauce on your "Big Beef Burrito Supreme"
A Bad Customer if...
You can't read the signs or coupons correctly, insisting you're right and
all the employees are wrong
While standing in front of the huge of tvs, you ask a salesman, "Is this all
the tvs you have?"
You ask for a discount at a restaurant because your kids didn't like their
food after they showed their dislike by throwing up.
You chew out the manager of the local McDonald's for not cleaning up the
place, while meanwhile, your kids proceed to launch ketchup packets at each
other.
You pay anything / everything in small change (especially pennies)
A Caffeine Addict if...
It's 6:09 AM and you're on your 2nd 20oz. Cup of coffee.
You have to drink some form of caffeinated beverage just to sleep.
You'd rather be beaten over the head with a sledgehammer than give up that
first cup of coffee in the morning.
You've given up sex, TV, or all forms of meat for Lent before, but can't
make it 40 days without caffeine.
You've given up sex, TV, and all forms of meat for Lent before, but STILL
can't make it 40 days without caffeine.
You could live in a desert like a hermit, eating bugs for food, as long as
you had enough coffee beans with you.
You suck on a used coffee filter whenever the can runs out of coffee.
Computer Illiterate if...
You own a Macintosh.
You think the computer from which a virus came actually created the virus
(it's all a conspiracy).
You think modem usage will show up on your phone bill.
You think the "escape" key will beam you out of the building in case of
fire.
You don't know where the "anykey" is.
You try to use the microphone on your PC to tell Windows 95 what to do.
You try to use the microphone on your PC to tell DOS what to do.
You've used the CD-ROM tray as a cup holder.
You think Dilbert creates artificially high standards for managers.
You think laser printers receive print commands by laser beam.
You've ever tried to play a CD-ROM in a stereo.
You've ever tried to talk to a modem on the other end of the line.
You went shopping for Microsoft Bob for Dummies...
You think Microsoft Windows is a rip-off, because it never does what you
want it to.
Someone gives you a 5-1/4" Floppy and you fold it to fit in your 3-1/2"
Drive and wonder why the drive doesn't work. You immediately move to Mexico
or Canada because you got an "Illegal Operation" error on your computer
screen.
A Computer Geek If...
You can program in more languages than you can speak.
You refer to your computer as a friend.
You can talk to your computer without being sarcastic or raising your voice.
You talk to your computer the way most people talk to their significant
other
You use old CD-ROMs as coasters... And you've collected a matching set for
every room in your house.
With the exception of the blood-sucking part, you have the same basic
characteristics as a vampire.
A Dog Lover If...
Your dog eats cat poo, but you still let her kiss you.
Under qualified for a fast-food Job if...
You can't figure out that a Bacon Whopper with Cheese has bacon, hamburger
and cheese
Someone with a bill of $3.01 hands you a $5 bill and a penny, and you give
them back a dollar bill and a bunch of change
No matter what a customer orders, you ask, "Do you want fries with
that?"...especially if you work at a pizza place.
Your body has more grease than the fryer does
You spend more time scratching covered body parts than the food you're
preparing
You can't count to twenty with your shoes off.
A Net Newbie if...
You regularly report things you find on USENET to your ISP.
You still believe in the modem tax. And you think you saw it on your last
phone bill.
You think "Jessica Mydek" is really the name of a little girl dying of
cancer, and you fill compelled to forward the e-mail about her condition to
the entire company, all of your friends, and their family pets.
A *Virus Warning* that you once read now makes you panic whenever you get a
message saying: Returned Mail: Host Unknown
Every time you've posted a message to a newsgroup, you've been flamed by at
least ten people.
You've been flamed several times, but you still don't know the meaning of
the term.
You post messages saying "UNSUBSCRIBE" to the mailing list that you've
subscribed to.. Spelt "UNSUBIBE," "UNSUBSCIBE," etc. .and other newbies
follow your example. And you shut down the entire list because of the junk
traffic.
You think spam is a type of lunch meat.
You can't tell the difference between a web URL and an e-mail address
Your message submission from a submit form says: "Enter your submission
here."
You think flaming someone involves a lighter and an aerosol can.
You think that using your browser to go on IRC rocks.
You are actually surprised that there are XXX sites on the Internet.
A Total Loser if...
You spend your day surfing the web looking for people to flame.
Your best comeback line contains almost all four letter words, including the
always intelligent "your" instead of "you're".
You actually think it's funny to wipe with a hamburger bun before putting it
on the double cheeseburger at work.
You somehow think that driving a piece of crap and wearing $300 outfits is
the same as driving a nice car and wearing normal clothes.
You've spent three times as much money altering your car and adding stereo
equipment as the car was ever worth.
You've never had more than a buzz from drinking, but whenever you go to a
party with alcohol, you go back to high school the next day and brag about
how drunk that one wine cooler made you.
Your best insult includes the word "gay".
You actually leave an e-mail address when submitting harassing comments...
(For Hotmail addresses: abuse@ )
Out of personal conviction, you flame anyone who regularly uses words longer
than one syllable.
You actually take any of these lists seriously, and get personally offended.
Your car bounces so high that when you try to stop, you end up on the trunk
of the car in front of you.
You pretend to talk on a cellular phone that doesn't even work.
You refer to your computer as a friend.
Chris Lyth (Clyth@)
When I heard that trees grow a new 'ring' for each year they live, I
thought, we humans are kind of like that: we grow a new layer of skin
each year, and after many years we are thick and unwieldy from all
our skin layers.