After months of speculation, it was confirmed yesterday that the Death
Star, the Empire's vaunted, planet-destroying space station, has added a
new, state-of-the-art day care center to its already vast array of
capabilities. The massive four-room day care center, which, according to
Grand Moff Tarkin, will "provide a safe and fun learning environment for
tots between the ages of one and four," has already begun spring enrollment
and is expected to be fully operational by June 1.
The new Sunshine Death Star Play and Learning Center provides battle station
parents with a fun and safe environment for their children. The Imperial
Emperor himself has overseen games of Duck Duck Goose encouraging the tots
to "feel the hatred."
"Nothing can stop the Sunshine Death Star Play and Learning Center,"
the Imperial Emperor said via holograph. "With its four classrooms, outdoor
playground and experienced staff of licensed day care professionals, no
other facility can match its awesome instructive power."
Though still several weeks away from full strength, the Sunshine Death
Star Center is already up and running. Among the most popular activities
there are finger-painting, storytime and Duck Duck Goose, which the Emperor
often helps lead.
"Feel your hatred flow through you," he told 3-year-old Jenny Bates,
as she energetically chased fellow toddler and "goose" Michael Phillips
around the outside of the circle. "Give in to your hatred!"
Disaster was narrowly averted last Friday, when the center took a
field trip to the nearby planet Bespin. At the end of the day, minutes into
the shuttle ride back to the Death Star, adult chaperone Darth Vader locked
eyes with 4-year-old Matthew Schumpert. "Wait," said Vader, probing deep
into the child's mind. "There is another Schumpert."
Vader sensed the presence of Katie Schumpert, Matthew's sister, who
was still back at the Bespin gift shop purchasing souvenirs. He ordered the
shuttle to turn around and averted an embarrassing situation for the new day
care facility.
Vader later added: "Join me, parents looking for a safe, dependable
child care alternative, and together we will rule the galaxy."
In addition to enjoying many fun games and learning activities,
children at the Sunshine Death Star Day Care Center have already gotten to
witness the destruction of several planets out the center's giant bay
window.
Last Friday, in the middle of a coloring activity, the planet Alderan
was blown up, delighting 23 of the 24 children who witnessed the devastating
power of the battle station. The sole exception was Libby Phelps, 3, whose
family was vacationing in Alderan at the time of its destruction. She was
frightened by the loud explosion and began to cry upon realizing that her
mother, father and younger sister were now dead. The emperor's elite
squadron of imperial guards leapt to action, removing the girl from the room
and giving her some ice cream treats to calm her.
According to Death Star officials, the idea for the center sprang up
after a number of parents complained about the lack of quality, affordable
child care options on the Death Star.
"As a stormtrooper and father of three, I'm very excited about the new
day care center," Death Star citizen Ralph Sedgwick said. "It's a safe,
nurturing environment, one in which my child will learn."
Added Gail Lindon: "For years I took my daughter to work because I
couldn't afford a nanny. Do you have any idea how hard it is to operate a
tractor beam with a two-year-old pulling at your leg?"
As excited as most are about the new day care center, a few extremists
have expressed concern about its proximity to the Death Star's reactor core.
"There is an opening in the Death Star's main shaft that leads to the
core," parent and dissenting voice Annette Voss said. "If a small rebel ship
were to somehow break through the deflector shield and enter the shaft, it's
possible it could hit the reactor core with a single, well-placed proton
torpedo shot and destroy the entire space station."
Experts, however, scoff at Voss's theory, dismissing such a shot as "a
million to one."
_______________________________________________________________________________
Disclaimer
This email is confidential and intended solely for the use of the individual to
whom it is addressed. Any views or opinions presented are solely those of the
author and do not necessarily represent those of the Azlan Group plc. If you
are not the intended recipient, be advised that you have received this email in
error and that any use, dissemination, forwarding, printing, or copying of this
email is strictly prohibited.
If you have received this email in error please notify the Azlan Group MIS
Helpdesk by telephone on 44 (0) 118 9894400.
Star, the Empire's vaunted, planet-destroying space station, has added a
new, state-of-the-art day care center to its already vast array of
capabilities. The massive four-room day care center, which, according to
Grand Moff Tarkin, will "provide a safe and fun learning environment for
tots between the ages of one and four," has already begun spring enrollment
and is expected to be fully operational by June 1.
The new Sunshine Death Star Play and Learning Center provides battle station
parents with a fun and safe environment for their children. The Imperial
Emperor himself has overseen games of Duck Duck Goose encouraging the tots
to "feel the hatred."
"Nothing can stop the Sunshine Death Star Play and Learning Center,"
the Imperial Emperor said via holograph. "With its four classrooms, outdoor
playground and experienced staff of licensed day care professionals, no
other facility can match its awesome instructive power."
Though still several weeks away from full strength, the Sunshine Death
Star Center is already up and running. Among the most popular activities
there are finger-painting, storytime and Duck Duck Goose, which the Emperor
often helps lead.
"Feel your hatred flow through you," he told 3-year-old Jenny Bates,
as she energetically chased fellow toddler and "goose" Michael Phillips
around the outside of the circle. "Give in to your hatred!"
Disaster was narrowly averted last Friday, when the center took a
field trip to the nearby planet Bespin. At the end of the day, minutes into
the shuttle ride back to the Death Star, adult chaperone Darth Vader locked
eyes with 4-year-old Matthew Schumpert. "Wait," said Vader, probing deep
into the child's mind. "There is another Schumpert."
Vader sensed the presence of Katie Schumpert, Matthew's sister, who
was still back at the Bespin gift shop purchasing souvenirs. He ordered the
shuttle to turn around and averted an embarrassing situation for the new day
care facility.
Vader later added: "Join me, parents looking for a safe, dependable
child care alternative, and together we will rule the galaxy."
In addition to enjoying many fun games and learning activities,
children at the Sunshine Death Star Day Care Center have already gotten to
witness the destruction of several planets out the center's giant bay
window.
Last Friday, in the middle of a coloring activity, the planet Alderan
was blown up, delighting 23 of the 24 children who witnessed the devastating
power of the battle station. The sole exception was Libby Phelps, 3, whose
family was vacationing in Alderan at the time of its destruction. She was
frightened by the loud explosion and began to cry upon realizing that her
mother, father and younger sister were now dead. The emperor's elite
squadron of imperial guards leapt to action, removing the girl from the room
and giving her some ice cream treats to calm her.
According to Death Star officials, the idea for the center sprang up
after a number of parents complained about the lack of quality, affordable
child care options on the Death Star.
"As a stormtrooper and father of three, I'm very excited about the new
day care center," Death Star citizen Ralph Sedgwick said. "It's a safe,
nurturing environment, one in which my child will learn."
Added Gail Lindon: "For years I took my daughter to work because I
couldn't afford a nanny. Do you have any idea how hard it is to operate a
tractor beam with a two-year-old pulling at your leg?"
As excited as most are about the new day care center, a few extremists
have expressed concern about its proximity to the Death Star's reactor core.
"There is an opening in the Death Star's main shaft that leads to the
core," parent and dissenting voice Annette Voss said. "If a small rebel ship
were to somehow break through the deflector shield and enter the shaft, it's
possible it could hit the reactor core with a single, well-placed proton
torpedo shot and destroy the entire space station."
Experts, however, scoff at Voss's theory, dismissing such a shot as "a
million to one."
_______________________________________________________________________________
Disclaimer
This email is confidential and intended solely for the use of the individual to
whom it is addressed. Any views or opinions presented are solely those of the
author and do not necessarily represent those of the Azlan Group plc. If you
are not the intended recipient, be advised that you have received this email in
error and that any use, dissemination, forwarding, printing, or copying of this
email is strictly prohibited.
If you have received this email in error please notify the Azlan Group MIS
Helpdesk by telephone on 44 (0) 118 9894400.