Library opening
WWN EXCLUSIVE! ELVIS SEEN AT IFIS LIBRARY!
Royal Holloway College, England - Our correspondent reports that The King is
alive and well, and hangs around the IFIS Library! Reports of a man with
sideburns closely matching Elvis have been filtering in for weeks now, and
the W**kly W*rld N*ws is proud to be the first to confirm these reports.
An expert said: "It appears that Elvis has arrived at Royal Holloway as a
warm-up gig for his comeback tour, expected to take place later this year."
A leaked White House tape of a conversation between the President and Elvis
discussing his return to the public eye after years of self-imposed
seclusion in Area 51 is surprisingly vague about details. The President is
quoted as telling Elvis, "I've always been a great fan of your music, and I
am overjoyed that you have decided to start recording again."
It is strongly rumoured that Elvis will be next appearing on a flying saucer
piloted by space aliens at the IFIS Library (outside the Student Union Ents
office) from 1-3pm on Wednesday March 10 1999. It is a little known fact
that the King is an avid fan of science fiction and fantasy, and was lured
out of retirement by the vast array of more than 3000 books available to
borrow.
On a related issue, this is exactly the time that top religious scholars
have predicted the End of the World. Rev. Jimmy Joe II said: "You're DOOMED,
I tell you, all DOOMED!" shortly before he was escorted from the premises.
_
[In case anyone's hopelessly confused, I received such a positive response
from last week's Lovecraftian library announcement that I have decided to
announce each week's library opening in a different style (suggestions
welcome). This week's choice has been the Weekly World News, a classic of
tabloid literature. You can check out their website at:
www.wwnonline.com
It's marvellous. Incidentally, in the best tradition of the WWN, none of the
stuff above is true except the bit about the library opening from 1-3pm on
Wednesday. As if you couldn't guess.]
Later,
Steve :-)
_
__
(oO)
/||\ 12 US SENATORS ARE SPACE ALIENS!
Royal Holloway College, England - Our correspondent reports that The King is
alive and well, and hangs around the IFIS Library! Reports of a man with
sideburns closely matching Elvis have been filtering in for weeks now, and
the W**kly W*rld N*ws is proud to be the first to confirm these reports.
An expert said: "It appears that Elvis has arrived at Royal Holloway as a
warm-up gig for his comeback tour, expected to take place later this year."
A leaked White House tape of a conversation between the President and Elvis
discussing his return to the public eye after years of self-imposed
seclusion in Area 51 is surprisingly vague about details. The President is
quoted as telling Elvis, "I've always been a great fan of your music, and I
am overjoyed that you have decided to start recording again."
It is strongly rumoured that Elvis will be next appearing on a flying saucer
piloted by space aliens at the IFIS Library (outside the Student Union Ents
office) from 1-3pm on Wednesday March 10 1999. It is a little known fact
that the King is an avid fan of science fiction and fantasy, and was lured
out of retirement by the vast array of more than 3000 books available to
borrow.
On a related issue, this is exactly the time that top religious scholars
have predicted the End of the World. Rev. Jimmy Joe II said: "You're DOOMED,
I tell you, all DOOMED!" shortly before he was escorted from the premises.
_
[In case anyone's hopelessly confused, I received such a positive response
from last week's Lovecraftian library announcement that I have decided to
announce each week's library opening in a different style (suggestions
welcome). This week's choice has been the Weekly World News, a classic of
tabloid literature. You can check out their website at:
www.wwnonline.com
It's marvellous. Incidentally, in the best tradition of the WWN, none of the
stuff above is true except the bit about the library opening from 1-3pm on
Wednesday. As if you couldn't guess.]
Later,
Steve :-)
_
__
(oO)
/||\ 12 US SENATORS ARE SPACE ALIENS!