"Gee, Brain, what are we gonna do today?"
Previously, among other weirdness, Alec said:
human race, but no one's put forward a viable plan. Honestly, you're all
nowt but a bunch of Mad Scientist wannabes. You're hardly worthy of being
Deformed Lab Assistants. Now, if I were planning on eradicating humanity
from the globe, there are a few methods that instantly spring to mind:
1) Disease. Yes, good old microorganisms. It hardly needs to be pointed out
that with today's genetic manipulation technology, the world is not likely
to end with a bang as with a cough cough urgh. Some nice little tailored
organism that starts out with the symptoms of, say, a mild cold for 48 hours
or so, during which the victim is extremely contagious, moving on to an
apparent recovery, and then the final fatal stage, which can involve as much
writhing agony, coughing up blood or dissolving internal organs as suits
your taste. May I refer the reader to Stephen King's "The Stand", which
involves a sort of engineered superflu escaping from the lab and wiping out
99% of the human race. I'm sure with a few tweaks any mad scientist worth
his or her salt could get rid of that pesky 1% survival rate.
Alternatively, if you intend only to wipe out mankind, ie the male of the
species, may I recommend Frank Herbert's "The White Plague" for inspiration.
Admittedly in that story it is a disease which targets only females, but it
should be fairly simple to adjust it so it works the other way around. Also
one of the stories in John Wyndham's "The Seeds of Time" involves an
accident releasing a disease that kills only males. The female survivors
restructure society on a model based on social insects.
2) Satellites. Lots of them. Positioned to collect solar radiation and bathe
the earth beneath them in concentrated doses of the stuff. Not enough to fry
people to a crisp, but sufficient to cause enough genetic damage to make the
production of viable offspring impossible. The beauty of it is that people
won't notice this happening until they try to make babies, and find that
they can't, and even then they'll take time to attribute it to your evil
network of satellites, perhaps disguised as communication satellites or
such. Admittedly this approach is fairly indiscriminate. Wildlife is gonna
suffer, as they'll have the same difficulties reproducing as humans.
This plan is slightly longer-term, but within the space of a generation or
so humanity (and darn near everything else) will have died out. Going
underground won't help do anything but delay the inevitable. By the time
people start taking these measures, their genetic material will be too
corrupted anyway.
3) Suffocate them. While many people berate the destruction of the
rainforest, claiming that they are killing the world's lungs, they forget
another photosynthesising source of oxygen, far far greater in extent:
oceanic algae. By creating a barrier between these algae and the atmosphere,
they suffocate, and thus air-breathers suffocate. I recommend destroying a
number of oil supertankers in strategic positions such that currents
distribute the oil into a molecules-thick layer across the surface of the
ocean.
Alternatively, smacking a damn great asteroid into the earth or triggering a
few hundred megaton explosions could cause nuclear winter with similar
results - blanket of dust and other assorted crap in the upper atmosphere,
thus no sunlight, thus no photosynthesis, thus no oxygen, thus no people or
other organisms above anaerobic bacteria.
I hope this has provided a few helpful pointers to all you newbie mad
scientists. Get a clue, people. :-P
Later,
Steve :-)
_
__
(oO)
/||\ The above email contains only my own opinions. Until I get my
network of mind control satellites in place, and then they'll be your
opinions too.
Oi! This was our plan first and I've already started
practising killing off mankind, so behave you or
you'll be next on the list. Rah!!!
Good grief, I'm surrounded by amateurs. All this talk of wiping out thepractising killing off mankind, so behave you or
you'll be next on the list. Rah!!!
human race, but no one's put forward a viable plan. Honestly, you're all
nowt but a bunch of Mad Scientist wannabes. You're hardly worthy of being
Deformed Lab Assistants. Now, if I were planning on eradicating humanity
from the globe, there are a few methods that instantly spring to mind:
1) Disease. Yes, good old microorganisms. It hardly needs to be pointed out
that with today's genetic manipulation technology, the world is not likely
to end with a bang as with a cough cough urgh. Some nice little tailored
organism that starts out with the symptoms of, say, a mild cold for 48 hours
or so, during which the victim is extremely contagious, moving on to an
apparent recovery, and then the final fatal stage, which can involve as much
writhing agony, coughing up blood or dissolving internal organs as suits
your taste. May I refer the reader to Stephen King's "The Stand", which
involves a sort of engineered superflu escaping from the lab and wiping out
99% of the human race. I'm sure with a few tweaks any mad scientist worth
his or her salt could get rid of that pesky 1% survival rate.
Alternatively, if you intend only to wipe out mankind, ie the male of the
species, may I recommend Frank Herbert's "The White Plague" for inspiration.
Admittedly in that story it is a disease which targets only females, but it
should be fairly simple to adjust it so it works the other way around. Also
one of the stories in John Wyndham's "The Seeds of Time" involves an
accident releasing a disease that kills only males. The female survivors
restructure society on a model based on social insects.
2) Satellites. Lots of them. Positioned to collect solar radiation and bathe
the earth beneath them in concentrated doses of the stuff. Not enough to fry
people to a crisp, but sufficient to cause enough genetic damage to make the
production of viable offspring impossible. The beauty of it is that people
won't notice this happening until they try to make babies, and find that
they can't, and even then they'll take time to attribute it to your evil
network of satellites, perhaps disguised as communication satellites or
such. Admittedly this approach is fairly indiscriminate. Wildlife is gonna
suffer, as they'll have the same difficulties reproducing as humans.
This plan is slightly longer-term, but within the space of a generation or
so humanity (and darn near everything else) will have died out. Going
underground won't help do anything but delay the inevitable. By the time
people start taking these measures, their genetic material will be too
corrupted anyway.
3) Suffocate them. While many people berate the destruction of the
rainforest, claiming that they are killing the world's lungs, they forget
another photosynthesising source of oxygen, far far greater in extent:
oceanic algae. By creating a barrier between these algae and the atmosphere,
they suffocate, and thus air-breathers suffocate. I recommend destroying a
number of oil supertankers in strategic positions such that currents
distribute the oil into a molecules-thick layer across the surface of the
ocean.
Alternatively, smacking a damn great asteroid into the earth or triggering a
few hundred megaton explosions could cause nuclear winter with similar
results - blanket of dust and other assorted crap in the upper atmosphere,
thus no sunlight, thus no photosynthesis, thus no oxygen, thus no people or
other organisms above anaerobic bacteria.
I hope this has provided a few helpful pointers to all you newbie mad
scientists. Get a clue, people. :-P
Later,
Steve :-)
_
__
(oO)
/||\ The above email contains only my own opinions. Until I get my
network of mind control satellites in place, and then they'll be your
opinions too.