The Perfect Day for Her:
08:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses
08:30 Weigh in 5lbs lighter than yesterday
08:45 Breakfast in bed, fresh squeezed orange juice and croissants
09:15 Soothing hot bath with fragrant lilac bath oil
10:00 Light work-out at club with handsome, funny personal trainer
10:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo and blow dry
12:00 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe
12:45 Notice ex-boyfriends wife, she has gained 30lbs 13:00
Shopping08:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses
08:30 Weigh in 5lbs lighter than yesterday
08:45 Breakfast in bed, fresh squeezed orange juice and croissants
09:15 Soothing hot bath with fragrant lilac bath oil
10:00 Light work-out at club with handsome, funny personal trainer
10:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo and blow dry
12:00 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe
12:45 Notice ex-boyfriends wife, she has gained 30lbs 13:00
with friends, unlimited credit
15:00 Nap
16:00 3 dozens roses delivered by florist, card is from secret
admirer15:00 Nap
16:00 3 dozens roses delivered by florist, card is from secret
16:15 Gentle game of Tennis, followed by a soothing massage
17:30 Pick out outfit for dinner, primp before the mirror 19:30
Candlelight dinner for two followed by dancing 22:00 Hot shower
(alone)
22:30 Make love
23:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling 23:15 Fall asleep
in17:30 Pick out outfit for dinner, primp before the mirror 19:30
Candlelight dinner for two followed by dancing 22:00 Hot shower
(alone)
22:30 Make love
23:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling 23:15 Fall asleep
his big strong arms ********************************************
ThePerfect Day for Him:
06:00 Alarm
06:15 Blow-job
06:30 Massive dump while reading sports section of The Sun 07:00
Breakfast, bacon, sausage and eggs, toast and coffee 07:30 Limo
arrives
07:45 Bloody Mary enroute to airport 08:15 Private G4 to St
Andrews,06:00 Alarm
06:15 Blow-job
06:30 Massive dump while reading sports section of The Sun 07:00
Breakfast, bacon, sausage and eggs, toast and coffee 07:30 Limo
arrives
07:45 Bloody Mary enroute to airport 08:15 Private G4 to St
Scotland 09:30 Limo to St Andrews Golf Club
09:45 Golf
11:45 Lunch, burger, chips and ketchup, 3 Heinekens 12:15 Blow-job
12.30 More golf
14:15 Limo back to airport (more beer & enroute Blow-job) 14:30
Private G4, to Dublin (nap)
15:30 Late afternoon Guiness drinking with all female (topless)
crowd09:45 Golf
11:45 Lunch, burger, chips and ketchup, 3 Heinekens 12:15 Blow-job
12.30 More golf
14:15 Limo back to airport (more beer & enroute Blow-job) 14:30
Private G4, to Dublin (nap)
15:30 Late afternoon Guiness drinking with all female (topless)
17:00 G4 back home, massage & hand job enroute by naked girls
18:45 Shit, shower and shave
19:30 Dinner, even more beer, 20 oz. Steak 21:00 Brandy and Cuban
Partagas cigar 21:30 Sex with three women
23:00 Massage and Jacuzzi
23:45 Bed (alone)
23:50 12 second, 4 octave fart, dog leaves the room 23:55 Giggle
yourself to sleep
hurts. I18:45 Shit, shower and shave
19:30 Dinner, even more beer, 20 oz. Steak 21:00 Brandy and Cuban
Partagas cigar 21:30 Sex with three women
23:00 Massage and Jacuzzi
23:45 Bed (alone)
23:50 12 second, 4 octave fart, dog leaves the room 23:55 Giggle
yourself to sleep
One day, Ken complained to his friend, "My elbow really
guess I should see a doctor." His friend offered, "Don't
that!!!
There's a computer at the drugstore that can diagnose
quicker
and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your
and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your
and > > > the
can >computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you
do about it. It only costs $10.00."
Ken figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with
urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the
he > > > poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The
computerstarted
making some noises and the various lights started flashing.
brief
pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed:
pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed:
You have tennis elbow.
Soak your arm in warm water.
Avoid heavy labour.
It will be better in two weeks. > > >
Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new
Soak your arm in warm water.
Avoid heavy labour.
It will be better in two weeks. > > >
Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new
and
how it would change medical science forever, he began to
how it would change medical science forever, he began to
if > > > this machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a
try.He
urinemixed
together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and
samples
from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated
from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated
the > > > concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the
machine,
themachine,
poured in
the sample and deposited the $10.00. The machine again made
the sample and deposited the $10.00. The machine again made
usual
noise
and printed out the following analysis: > > >
Your tap water is too hard.
Get a water softener.
Your dog has worms.
Give him vitamins.
Your daughter's using cocaine.
Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. > > > Your wife's
and printed out the following analysis: > > >
Your tap water is too hard.
Get a water softener.
Your dog has worms.
Give him vitamins.
Your daughter's using cocaine.
Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. > > > Your wife's
- twin girls. > > > They aren't yours.
palm up
very
had >Get a lawyer.
And if you don't stop jacking off,
You're never going to fix that tennis elbow > > >
And if you don't stop jacking off,
You're never going to fix that tennis elbow > > >
A guy walks into a bar and sits down. He starts dialling >
numbers...like using a telephone... on his hand, then puts his
numbers...like using a telephone... on his hand, then puts his
against his cheek and begins talking.
Suspicious, the bartender walks over and tells him this is a
tough neighborhood and he doesn't need any trouble here.
The guy says, "You don't understand. I'm very hi-tech. I
The guy says, "You don't understand. I'm very hi-tech. I
a
cellular."phone >
installed in my hand because I was tired of carrying the > >
The bartender says "Prove it." So the guy dials up a number
hands
carrieshis
hand to the bartender. The bartender talks into the hand and
hand to the bartender. The bartender talks into the hand and
on a
conversation.
"That's incredible!" says the bartender. "I would never have
it !"
"Yeah", said the guy, "I can keep in touch with my broker,
wife,
bartender >you name it. By the way, where is the toilet ?". The
directs
him to the men's room.
The guy goes in and 5, 10, 20 minutes go by and he doesn't >
Fearing the worst given the neighborhood, the bartender goes
men's room to check on the guy.
The guy is spread-eagled up against the wall. His pants are
down and he has a roll of toilet paper up his ass.
"Oh my god !" said the bartender. "Did they rob you? Are
"Oh my god !" said the bartender. "Did they rob you? Are
hurt
fax." >?" >
The
guy turns and says: "No, no, I'm ok. I'm just waiting for a >
guy turns and says: "No, no, I'm ok. I'm just waiting for a >
HOW "THEY" DO IT WHEN IT COMES TO SEX > >> > >
Accountants do it with Double Entry
Acupuncturist do it with a small prick > >> > >
Accountants do it with Double Entry
Acupuncturist do it with a small prick > >> > >
driver comes quicker
usingAustralians do it Down Under > >> > >Bach did it
the
organ > >> > >Bankers do it with interest
delegateorgan > >> > >Bankers do it with interest
Bartenders do it on the Rocks
Batman does it using his Robin
Bookkeepers do it for the record > >> > >Bosses
Batman does it using his Robin
Bookkeepers do it for the record > >> > >Bosses
the task to others > >> > >Chess players check their Mates
Dentist do it orally
Elevator men do it up and down
Firemen do it with a big hose
comeCops do it with cuffs
DJs do it on request
Deep-sea divers do it under extreme pressure > >> >
DJs do it on request
Deep-sea divers do it under extreme pressure > >> >
Detectives do it under cover
Don't do it with Bankers, most of them are Tellers > >> >
Don't do it with Bankers, most of them are Tellers > >> >
Engineers do it to specifications
Engineers do it to a first order approximation > >> >
Engineers do it to a first order approximation > >> >
Frank Sinatra does it his way > >> > >Garbagemen
twice a week
attendantsGardeners do it on the bushes > >> > > Gas
Pump all day
Managers
make others do it
Waiters and waitresses do it for tips
______________________________________________________Golfers do it in 18 holes
Landlords do it every 1st of the month > >> >
Landlords do it every 1st of the month > >> >
make others do it
Marketing reps do it on commission
Pizza delivery man comes in 30 minutes or it's free > >> >
Pizza delivery man comes in 30 minutes or it's free > >> >
Zoologists do it with animals > >> > >
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