Bill Gates meets his own brand of tech support

Now that Bill Gates has moved into his brand spanking new house
in the Seattle suburbs, the following is a conversation
overheard last week:

Bill: "There are a few issues we need to discuss."

Contractor: "Ah, you have our basic support option. Calls are free
for the
first 90 days and $75 a call thereafter. Okay?"

Bill: "Uh, yeah... the first issue is the living room. We think its
a little
smaller than we anticipated."

Contractor: "Yeah. Some compromises were made to have it out by the
release
date."

Bill: "We won't be able to fit all our furniture in there."

Contractor: "Well, you have two options. You can purchase a new,
larger
living room; or you can use Stacker."

Bill: "Stacker?"

Contractor: "Yeah, it allows you to fit twice as much furniture into
the
room. By stacking it, of course, you put the entertainment center on
the
couch... the chairs on the table... etc. You leave an empty spot, so
when
you want to use some furniture you can unstack what you need and then
put it
back when you're done."

Bill: "Uh... I dunno... issue two. The second issue is the light
fixtures.
The bulbs we brought with us from our old home won't fit. The
threads run the wrong way."

Contractor: "Oh! That's easy. Those bulbs aren't plug and play.
You'll have to upgrade to the new bulbs."

Bill: "And the electrical outlets? The holes are round, not
rectangular. How
do I fix that?"

Contractor: "Just uninstall and reinstall the electrical system."

Bill: "You're kidding!?"

Contractor: "Nope. Its the only way."

Bill: "<sigh> Well... I have one last problem. Sometimes, when I
have
guests over, someone will flush the toilet and it won't stop. The
water
pressure drops so low that the showers don't work."

Contractor: "That's a resource leakage problem. One fixture fails to

terminate and is hogging the resources preventing access from other
fixtures."

Bill: "And how do I fix that?"

Contractor: "Well, after each flush, you all need to exit the house,
turn off
the water at the street, turn it back on, re-enter the house and then
you'll be
back on track."

Bill: "That's the last straw. What kind of product are you selling
me?"

Contractor: "Hey, remember, if you don't like it, nobody made you buy
it."

Bill: "And when will this be fixed?"

Contractor: "Oh, in your next house-which will be ready to release
sometime
near the end of 1998. Actually it was due out earlier this year,
but we've had some delays..."

[Note - making the rounds unattributed - ed.]